Answers, In No Particular Order

09 Jan, 2025

Before I left Bluesky, I sent out a poll about what kinds of posts I should focus on this year. Warren from Prismatic Wastelands responded to that thread by asking me a number of silly questions that I will answer here now, weeks later.

What makes a fairy tale any good? How can I sprinkle fairy tale elements into an otherwise unfairyful adventure?

Fortunately the other Warren from icastlight responded, so I don't have to.

I'll only add my personal twists:

• Every culture has its own unique flavor of folk lore. Jews really like irony, humor, and morality tales (but not of the kind you might think). Every place does it differently, yet some stories span cultures. The story of Cinderella for instance is found in Chinese, Italian, and Jewish folklore (among many others).
• Folk tales often personify emotions and concepts, literally. Shame might be a character, as well as envy, hate, sex, and even bad luck. These make for great RPG fodder.

Here's an example of what I mean:

Once there was a Jew called Berl, and he had terrible luck. No matter what, everything he tried ended in disaster. He tried to be a farmer, but a freak storm tore his crops away. He tried to carry water between the towns, but his ox-cart broke down. And so on, and so on. Finally he declared, "It must be this town! I should travel, find my luck in another place." And so he did. He gathered what little money was left and bought a ticket to America. It was a long and dangerous journey.

Finally when he arrived, the ship left him on American shores. But it was Friday, and nearly sundown! He knew that he must find a place for Shabbas, and soon. But everywhere he looked, there were signs: No Jews. He shrugged, thinking "That isn't about me, it's about all of us. My luck might still change." And on he walked. Finally it was nearly dark when he spied a familiar symbol in the window of a tenement. Excitedly he knocked on the door, and a woman answered. "Ah, hello! We've been expecting you. Come with me, please." The woman turned and began walking up a nearby stairwell.

"Expecting me, this is very strange," Berl thought. "Who knows? Perhaps my luck is really changing!" He followed anyways. After walking up three flights of stairs, the woman pointed at a door with a mezuzah, then turned and left. Berl shrugged, then knocked. Immediately the door opened. A man was standing there. He was bearded, with long dark locks. He looked as if he was about to start Friday worship.

"Hello, Berl! Nice to see you!" said the bearded man.

"You know me?"

"Why yes, don't you recognize me? I've been your constant companion all these many years."

"I'm sorry, I don't understand," said poor Berl, utterly confused.

"Why, I'm your Bad Luck! You didn't think you could go all the way to America without me, did you?"

Common misconceptions about monsters

1. "Monsters are only there to be killed."
   No, monsters are much more than that. They have their own wants and needs, because that makes them more interesting to deal with. Monsters have a cause, a raison d'etre. Monsters are only monsters because something has gone horribly wrong. Once again, someone else said it better (specifically, Dan from throne of salt.

2. "It's OK, ignore the reaction roll."
   Don't do this. The reaction roll is what makes the OSR playstyle special, because it makes monsters into something mercurial. Even the GM doesn't always know what is going to happen on a first encounter.

3. "People are people, monsters are monsters."
   No, anything — or anyone — can be a monster. What makes something a monster are their actions. Kings can be monsters. Farmers can be monsters. Your character can be a monster, too.

Hexcrawls: why do they suck?

Contrary to popular belief, hexcrawls do not suck! But they aren't the end-all, be-all either. Stuff I like about hexes:

• They look neat
• They offer obvious choices (in six directions!)
• They offer a framework for wilderness exploration rules (e.g. one hex per day)

Most of the issues I do have are with published hexcrawls, though these aren't unique to hexcrawls at all:

• Hexcrawls are often homogenous. I've seen lauded hex crawls where there is no difference between 30% of hexes in a given map.
• Hexcrawls often ignore geography and elevation. If the PCs are on a mountaintop, they should be able to see the smoking crater across the map, yes? Or if they are in a low valley filled with trees they would have no way of seeing it. These factors impact the PC's decisions, and should be "baked in" to wilderness exploration rules.
• Hexcrawls are just pathcrawls anyway.

My major issue with most hex maps is that there is no standard, so every module has to reinvent the wheel, every time. They are all busy answering these questions:

• How long does it take to travel between two points?
• How does the local territory, terrain or weather impact travel?
• How likely are the PCs to get lost?

And so on. Even when the module's designated system has built-in wilderness exploration rules, modules still have to clarify this stuff.

Note: I really like how Mythic Bastionland handles "Hexaleagues" and wilderness exploration/adventure sites in general. Stop making us look bad, Chris.

Review of Barkeep (must be scathing!)

The only thing worse than the Ennies is that they keep enabling products like these with "awards."

What is a storygame technique OSR GMs should adopt

Ask your players more often. Especially in the early days of a campaign, it really helps to get player input because it optimizes the imagination matrix (your brains) while also getting buy-in from the players as quickly as possible. Just don't cross the line.

At least one “slush post”

You're reading it.

Cosmology and other pointless navel gazing of your home setting for Cairn

There are a bunch of religions in the Vald setting. None of them are true, at least not yet. I'm more interested in writing complex but ultimately useless conlangs for the Roots (I've got a full numbering system, now!) than I am in gods and the like. Religions are just factions who can't reason very well.

Over complicated initiative system that you’ve never playtested

I don't have one of these. I did read someone describe Cairn's initiative system as "repugnant" once, and thought that was kind of funny. I wouldn't even use that word to describe the worst human beings, I think. And yet there are nerdlings out there who feel so strongly about their magical wizard dragon games that the very notion of side initiative fills them with unease! What a world.

1d100 of fantastical weather events that make travel difficult and are sure to cancel school

I wrote a whole bunch of these for the Warden's Guide but settled on only 1d20 in the end. Maybe I'll dig them up some day and publish them.

Random powers you get from eating mushrooms in dungeons

What happens to a monster’s soul when they die?

The same thing that happens to everything else.

What monster do you refuse, on principle, to use

There are plenty I don't like. People think I have a big issue with "White Apes" but honestly I don't really have a problem with them, it's all about context. If I had to choose ONE I didn't like, it'd probably be a DRAGON. Haha, really. I find them highly boring.

Reconsidered review of Barkeep (slightly less scathing)

It's got good art.

Complete list of all funny voices you’re capable of

• Jewish grandmother, usually from Chicago (my grandmother, of blessed memory). Alternatively, my Argentine grandmother.
• Jewish Russian.
• Jewish Israeli (my dad).
• Christopher Walken.

Combat system that employs various hand-games instead of dice

You joke but I know of at least one that is karate-based. I think about non-dice based resolution systems a lot, because my son and I like to hike through the woods while playing games. We've come up with many systems, including hands-behind-the-back, asking a tree, my own Gauntlet, and of course Mirror Shield.

Here's another:

• For two players.
• The goal of the game is to defeat your opponent in magical combat.
• On their turn, a player has five seconds to announce a magical offensive or defensive spell.
• The next player must then counter with an appropriate spell. They cannot use any word that has been said before by either player.
• A new round then begins, with the last player to defend acting as the aggressor. Defending players can convert their last defensive spell into an offensive one.
• The game continues until one player fails to respond with an original spell within five seconds.

Example:

Round 1 begins.

• Player one shouts, "Fireball!"
• Player two replies, "Water Shield!"

Round 2 begins.

• Player two shouts, "Death Ray!"
• Player one replies, "Portal Madness"
• "What's that?" asks player one.
• "Oh, that's when a big portal appears to absorb your laser."
• "OK, then what happens?"
• "It gets shot right back at you!"

Round 3 begins.

• And so on.

Cairn 3e hoax post on 4/1

No

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